Are you critical of yourself when you don’t do things perfectly? Or maybe you find yourself finding imperfections in others more than you care to admit.
Our society is filled with negative criticism and heavy judgement based on the moronic idea that anything or anyone is actually “perfect”. As witnessed by reality shows filled with women putting other women down for their clothing, hair, wrinkles, chest size, body size, etc. This has resulted in the plethora of plastic-looking celebrities and reality stars with larger than life self-worth issues!
But it doesn’t just effect them. We hold these examples of society and that which we see on tv, in magazines, online and such, as our role models of what what we should have be, do, and have.
I often wonder what separates us from accepting “what is good enough” or our best, to wanting things to be perfect. The wasted energy from trying to achieve what is unachievable and the shame that we associate with it when we aren’t or don’t do things perfectly.
Imagine what kind of life it would be like to enter a space, to see another human, or to have an experience where the first thing that popped into your head was all the positive, good things about them or it.
What if it didn’t occur to you to think about the things that went wrong or were not perfect?
Wow….imagine how differently we’d view the world, what kind of mood we’d be in, and what kind of image we’d have of ourselves and others and thus how differently we’d treat them.
So how do we get to this place?
3 Ways to Empower You to Be Perfectly Imperfect:
- Express GratitudeFind the good in everything including and most importantly, in yourself. Be kind to yourself!
Every day write down 10 things you are grateful for. Then the next day add 2 things, until your list is over 100 a day. You can list all sorts of things (the clean air, the bees, the flowers, etc), but you must include at least 50% of things that are about you.
Gratitude is the first step to giving and receiving. Without it you cannot have abundance or self acceptance.
- Claim Your Shame
Shame is our biggest primitive affector. It controls us and makes us small.By acknowledging it or naming it, talking about it, taking responsibility or owning it, and then telling the story, you then release it. This is all about being courageous.
Cor is latin for heart and courageous originally meant “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” (Annie Rogers)
Brené Brown PH.D. is a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging. I highly recommend you watch this TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) talk and read her book The Gifts of Imperfection for a more indepth discovery of how shame effects you.
I can’t explain it as well as she can (click link) and it’s well worth 21 minutes of your life, today!
- Be Willing To Make a MistakeI’m always amazed at how we expect to create perfect art the first time. Where did this concept come from?
I know that the master painters never expected perfection. In fact they would paint over their paintings many many times. Layers and layers of paint! Many canvases never sold.
Corporations always have R&D departments. They have a budget for materials, labor and consumables which they dedicate to exploring, creating and bettering their product and or services. They expect losses and expenses related to Research and Development.
Why don’t artists have in their budgets an amount chalked up and reserved for risk taking with their work? Wouldn’t this allow you to explore and create more freely?
Some of the best artists I know have huge piles of scrap metal from work they don’t feel meets their standards. That’s why they are the best artists! Versus the artists that feel they have to sell everything that they make.
If you know that you have a certain amount a year that you are willing to set aside for exploration and you are willing to make a mistake, how much better would your work be? Imagine how freeing that would be. How much more accepting of your skills and self-worth you would have if you expected to be imperfect and to create imperfect work!
I want you to live in the place of risking success rather than dreaming of success.
Taking action is a gift! So be wrong, look silly and rejoice in making mistakes. These are all opportunities for growth
Don’t forget to leave a comment and get entered to win a F*R*E*E give-away from Whole Lotta Whimsy! Drawing is April 30th, 2012!
I love that idea there is, I believe a concept in I think Japan, that I read about that is called Wabi Sabi which celebrates imperfection and I copied a saying to my inspiration board that says ‘Wabi Sabi Love, To remember that a beautiful thing is never perfect’ I think that says it all
This post really spoke to me. With the high cost of silver I’ve been afraid to make mistakes. I’ve been trying to branch out into copper and bronze to allow myself the freedom to play and make the mistakes and not feel so guilty for the imperfections. It has taken me awhile to get comfortable with this idea, but I’ve been able to come up with so many new and great ideas when I just let myself go!
Fantastic read Tonya!!!! I couldn’t agreed more!! Thank you for all of your wonderful teachings and blessings!!
This is VERY helpful Tonya. I had a reputation at work of beating up on myself when I messed up something, so much so that no one had to say anything to me because they “couldn’t out-do the self condemnation I applied.” This is a very sad way to be, I don’t recommend it to anyone. Dump it – Dump it NOW.
Tonya,
You are so right about being willing to make mistakes. I learn so much more when I have problems with a piece as opposed to when everything goes perfectly.
I can relate to this! My jewelry teacher is ALWAYS telling me “it doesn’t have to be perfect!” I had one piece last December where I’d made what I had considered a fatal mistake; but one of my friends really complimented me on the piece, so I gave it to her. She has thanked me for it many times over. I guess you just have to be more “open” about things, no?
Need to make this my new mantra! “I’m a work in progress.”
I started out thinking that I didn’t have 21 minutes to spare. I ended up wishing the speech had lasted longer. As always, Tonya, you provided a link to some very thoughtful and profound info.
So true. thank you Tonya for putting it all in words. Expressing Gratitude is creating a major shift in my life.
Thank you, Tonya, for reminding me that life is not about perfection. It is difficult for me to set that feeling aside. I was raised to be perfect in everything I did: don’t get dirty, don’t make a mess, get straight A’s in school…. It is a difficult process to set aside, but I find that I am much happier when I explore, try, make a mistake, learn, and move forward. It is better to try and make a mistake than to never try and miss out on the experience of your life. Live Life!!!
Love the article. How true a gratitude list brings it all in perspective. As for mistakes I am perfect at making those! Thanks for all the great advice
WOW! This really touched me because I try so hard to make everything perfect, which leaves me no room to learn and grow and I fear being criticized and vulnerable. I’ve kept myself from having fun and being fully creative. So now that I have uncovered some more obstacles I will move forward and get to work. Thank you!
Excellent Tonya, Thank you! I definitely struggle with being a perfectionist, having a hard time with criticism, and wanting everything I make to be sell-able. So this post came at a great time and is a good reminder to get out of the “comfort zone” and take risks (and OWN those inevitable mistakes!) I also come from a Social Work back ground, and never thought to put the lessons learned in school for SW into my jewelry…”lean into the discomfort of the work”-I did it as a social worker, now it’s time to do it as a jewelry artist!
Excellent Tonya, Thank you! I definitely struggle with being a perfectionist. This post came at a great time and is a good reminder to get out of the “comfort zone” and take risks (and OWN those inevitable mistakes!) I also come from a Social Work back ground, and never thought to put the lessons learned in school for SW into my jewelry…”lean into the discomfort of the work”-I did it as a social worker, now it’s time to do it as a jewelry artist!
Oops! Sorry for the double (and now triple!) reply- I thought the first didn’t go through. But maybe I shouldn’t apologize, just own the mistake and be vulnerable 😉
I experience myself in all these examples…..
I have been dealing with the Perfectionism model as long as I can remember. I also practiced the “numbing” of my feelings for 25 years till it almost killed me.My mantra for this lifetime has been “Bring It”. I have always desired to experience this life in all it’s wonder.
Tonya, thanks for sharing your insights in how to go deeper… instead of choosing the knee jerk of being perfect, bearing down, working harder, etc. When we can observe whats underneath those drives, and find that place of good enough, satisfaction, happy to be where we are, that really opens the doors for amazing insights and some truly miraculous results. I am only just starting to see the results of this in my jewelry making.
Stepping out into jewelry making fulltime is an opportunity for me to take those essential risks, instead of just dreaming about it. I am certain I will make lot’s of mistakes and my heart is open to it. I am confident I will reap the benefits as a result…
Thanks again for all this wonderful insight, inspiration, and of course your support.
I couldn’t agree more! I want to share an example from the non-art world. I was helping officiate at my niece’s wedding this past weekend. She had her heart set on getting married on the beach. The weather was threatening – and had actually been raining off and on for an hour or so – but she wanted to take a chance at getting on the beach between showers. She upped the time an hour and decided to ‘go for it”. At the time we gathered on the beach all was clear – cloudy but not raining – and by the time she was walking down the boardwalk, her dad had an umbrella over them both – and by the time the ceremony started, it was raining pretty hard. Within 5 minutes everyone was SOAKED – but we continued with the service and had a glorious time afterwards. This will be a time everyone will remember well – and with many stories to share and enjoy! Isn’t this a great story about “perfect imperfection”? I’m so happy she decided to go for her dream – even tho it turned out to be very different from the original….and was even better in many ways. Isn’t that the way life is? 🙂
i practice these 3 things daily…they make my day that much better…doesn’t mean i don’t stumble on them…i just practice them…Bene` Brown is amazing…i took her shame resilance ecource last year…wow…really changed my perspective on a lot of things about myself. i get to be perfectly inperfect every day…all the time… as i’m recoverying from a life changing head injury…play well….
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
I’ve always loved this quote and I think it applies here. Thanks so much, Tonya for keeping us on course with this complicated life we live;o) We need to learn to treat ourselves better and appreciate the beautiful opportunities we have. You help us remember this daily.
This could not have come on a better day for me. I have been wallowing in self-doubt and pity because things haven’t gone “perfectly” It is paralyzingly and while I am not completely cured, reading this opened the window so I can at least see a glimmer of the path I need to be on to find me.
This is exactly what I needed to start my day with. Thank you Tonya, once again for the wonderful inspiration!
Thank you for this timely reminder! I’ve doing a bit of beating myself up lately…trying to juggle a few balls and keeping everyone happy! Off to write out my gratitude list! 🙂
Wonderful article! The fear of making mistakes in our work can really stifle the creative process. We need to remember mistakes are an opportunity to learn. For some reason I always need a gentle reminder of this and this article was it!